she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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