my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
