Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
