I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
