Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
