You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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