my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
