he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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