Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
