here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
