She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
