She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
