So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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