halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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