Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
