haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
