at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
