I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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