the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
