Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
