Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
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