How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
