Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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