Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
