i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
