I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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