Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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