i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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