Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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