what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
