All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
