I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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