mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
