So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
