white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
