My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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