My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
