Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
one two three fourrrrnication!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Found your dick twin last night
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
