A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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