I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
