Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
