it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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