the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
