I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
