If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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