I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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