when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Randomize
