it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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