Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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