His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
