dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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