You're so nebulous sometimes
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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