Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
