jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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