A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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